Nip slips

Once again, I’m watching some really horrible tv. There is absolutely no sugar coating this one. (Bye Dad, I know my viewing choices aren’t approved of, so time for you to stop reading today’s post. I got you a really good Father’s Day present and this is definitely not it). In my defense, regular programming is on rerun for the summer. So I watched the finale of Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding. What? You don’t know this show? Good for you, add 10 points to your IQ. I have to deduct 10.
It was the wedding of a Real Housewife of Atlanta to an Atlanta Falcons football player. When the show was over, Kathy Griffin’s late night show started. She is a foul-mouthed, only mildly entertaining comedienne. Still, I was like a moth to a flame. After her monologue, in which she was bleeped more times than I could count, she went on to talk about nip slips. You know, when a celebrity nipple suddenly appears and sends a tsunami sized wave through modern media. This week was Rihanna, Madonna and Jessica Chastain at the Tony’s. One of her guests said he thinks they are all done intentionally for publicity. How many nip slips do you see happen in real life? He might be onto something. Amongst the most famous incidents was Tara Reid’s indecent exposure years ago. She said that she actually didn’t feel her dress slip off her shoulder because she no longer had sensation in her nipples after having her breasts surgically enhanced. No one bought that for a second. Now I do.
As a mom, my kids are always tugging on my shirt. My mom friends are always signaling to one another in our special sign language – “boob out, yank that shirt up, lady”. A stiff wind might also let us know we are exposed. It’s probably the distraction of watching our kids that makes us unaware, but after my surgery I am going to be like Tara Reid. No, not a drunk party girl, but someone without nipple sensation. I hope I don’t have a rogue nip slip in my future. Especially when mine are going to look much different than normal nipples. That won’t be fun (or even funny) for anyone.

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