Back to Reality

During pregnancy and while breast feeding, a woman’s body is working overtime. I once read that the body during pregnancy requires as much energy as running a marathon, everyday. I was sure to remind my husband of this fact a lot and also noted that it was the only marathon I’d ever be running so he should applaud my efforts daily with zeal. Luckily, nature gives you a break in only one way: no period. I hadn’t had my period for almost a year and a half…. until last night.
Its return is marked with the usual progression of discomforts. However, it is now a milestone that I must mark with a yet unknown discomfort. My first mammogram.
I was told that I had to wait two months after weaning and 7-10 days after the return of my period to get my first mammogram. Now that the time has come, I called the breast surgeon’s office to tell them the awesome news. I guess in some ways it is a good thing because eleven days from now when I have the mammogram and MRI, I will no longer be in the dark about my current breast health. Ok, that is a really good thing. I will remain positive and tell myself that there’s probably nothing going on there yet. I am going to get a good report and have the luxury of setting a date for my double mastectomy at my leisure when the timing is right for me and my family.
Worst case scenario could be pretty bad so I’m not going to think about it. I will cross that bridge when I get there because there’s nothing I can do about it until I get those results. There’s no good that can come of me obsessing and worrying about a horrible what-if. Ok, I sort of just let myself go there for a minute, feeling a little pukey and now I’m done. Moving on.
This is what’s going to happen. I’m going to go to the appointment by myself (because after yesterday’s meltdown I can’t be worrying all day about the girls being upset), my husband will take off work and stay with them. They will be thrilled with Daddy on a weekday. I’m going to go get my boobs squished, x-rayed and felt up. Luckily, the doc will give me the mammogram results right then and there and call me the next day with the MRI results. And then I’m either going to go to Serendipity and get a big ass frozen hot chocolate or go to Bergdorfs and pretend I’m a Kardashian cousin (speaking of big a… well, just know that as I turn around, it won’t be hard to convince them). I’ll try on pretty shoes and clothes. Then I will hem and haw as I turn this way and that in the mirror as if I don’t know if they’ll look good enough when Kim and I hit the club (throw head back, wide-mouthed laugh, hand on hip, pose for paparazzi). As I see it, I will then walk out of the store empty-handed but not disappointed because I will have already gotten my fabulous results from the doctor and I’ve got a little more time on my side (and money left in my account). I will take the next train back to reality, hug my little family and feel happy, grateful and blessed. A girl can dream, no?

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